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100 Failures: My (former) Fat Self

Just before today’s body fat test

In 2007 I weighed 240lbs and had a body fat of about 25%.

Publicly, I set a goal to be at 15% body fat within one-year. For five years, I ebbed and flowed on this (aka failed), got as close as 18%, but as of one year ago I was back to 240lbs and 25%. I tried and failed 100 times.

Over five years later, today I finally achieved a goal I have been chasing for a long time–results towards end of post. A quick note: this is not intended to be “hey look at me look at me I’m doing great” (I also don’t think that either, btw). It’s the opposite in many ways, it’s about 100 failures over five years. For too long I was: Overweight. Undisciplined. Frustrated. I’ve also justified it to myself. Lots of travel. Running companies, including two start-ups. Bad metabolism. Not enough time. Unmotivated. Bad genes. Whatever.

Pic of me and my dad after one of my last college football games. Basically until this year it was all downhill for 15-years after this picture was taken. As you’ll see in the next photo…

And I have failed 100 times in the process of achieving my goal. Many of you have done far better physically than I ever will, and for that I’m inspired, but others face the frustrations I do. So I want to share a quick story about 100 failures in the event that it might spur you on to keep trying yourself. And it’s a reminder to me for the months and years to come–so I don’t backtrack. Because I could easily fall back, I’m cautiously writing this.

Since college, for most of those years, I have been fat. It’s painful to even write it, but it’s true. Some people might politely say “well no, really you weren’t fat” but some of the pictures below prove otherwise. And I know better. Which is one reason why this is a really humbling post for me to write.

Ugh! So hard to even post this one, but that’s me at my heaviest not that many years after my college football picture above. But look at that cute kid! Don’t look at the fat guy, look at that cute kid!!! 🙂

I remember a philosophy class in college when a prof was having a debate with a good friend of mine (RR, we’re still going to do a radio or TV show together someday!) and they were debating the definition of fat in a philosophical context.

“So, really, then, what is being fat? How do you even know you are fat?” the prof whimsically asked, to which my buddy quickly replied “Because I’ve seen myself naked.” It was a funny line, but that’s true for a lot of us. I had many “aha” moments in addition to seeing myself naked over the years.

  • 15-years ago, the first season of the Bachelorette (my wife was addicted to this show, not me!), I remember all the women at the office talking about how they all loved “the fat guy” who was a contestant. When I saw the show I realized something…I was fatter than “the fat guy.”
  • 10-years ago, when I went to my doctor and was fishing for a cheap and easy Rx solution and he said “So, you’re telling me you’re a fat ass who can’t control what he eats and you want a prescription to help with that? I don’t think so.” (yes, verbatim).
  • Five-years ago, when I was an Exec at a nutritional/wellness company, and one of our distributors, also a doctor, said to me “Look Raz, you’re running this Wellness company, and the truth is you are a fat ass and you need to get in shape.” (yes, absolutely true and verbatim as well).
  • There are many others. But these have stuck with me over the years and have helped build this yin and yang of driving me to ultimately change enough behaviors to get into better shape; but I had to want it for myself. Which is what happened a year ago, with a boost about four-months back.
One year ago, at what was a pretty typical weight for me for most of last five years. In the last year Erica has lost 20lbs and looks fantastic! Royce and Zoe, however, are still gaining weight. (they’re 9 and 10 🙂 )

Here are the numbers:

Ten-years ago, I weighed–UGH I CAN HARDLY WRITE THIS–275 lbs. This was my heaviest. I have no idea what my body fat % was at the time. But I do remember I was REALLY awesome at floating in water. Like, truly gifted.

12-months ago, I weighed 240 with 25% body fat. I started lifting, doing some cardio, saw a trainer a bit, and tried to eat more carefully but I wasn’t intensive about it. I still fell into the “Obsese” category based on most guidelines.

Four-months ago, I was down to 220 with 20% body fat. Generally considered “Average.”

Today, I weighed 206 with a BF of 14.3%, FINALLY under my 15% goal. Over five years later.

How’d I do it? First, I failed a lot. 100 times. Tried almost everything except the Shake Weights–those things are ridiculous! Lots could have worked, I just didn’t stick with it. Partly b/c I was undisciplined and I didn’t want it enough. Partly b/c I just didn’t find stuff that worked for me. And partly b/c I didn’t really grasp some key fundamentals.

One of the fundamentals is simple, perhaps obvious, but I never bought into it. And it’s this: You lose fat in the kitchen. Not the gym.

It really is 80% diet. Working out helps build lean muscle mass, helpful to burning fat, increasing metabolic rate, general fitness, and more. But if you want to lose weight, if you want to lose fat, those results happen inside, not outside, the house.

So here’s what I did: (and I’m not suggesting you should do this, it’s just what worked for me)

1. Eating: I got my eating in order: My nutritional/eating plan was strict Paleo. I absolutely love this, and can’t recommend it enough. Try it for 45-days. It’s not for everyone, but this worked fantastically well for me. This was 80% of my success. I allowed myself up to three cheat meals a week–and you need to take at least one or two, so you don’t deprive yourself. But I was pretty disciplined otherwise. And the last month I have been consistently using the Nutribullet. It’s magic. Worth checking out.

CIM marathon pre-race

2. Running: I started running and training for the Sacramento marathon, I’d run 2-3 days a week. Perhaps this sounds aggressive or you have no desire to run a marathon, that’s fine. Do some form of cardio 3x/week.

3. CrossFitting: Erica and I started CrossFit three months ago, three times a week. Apart from some travel, I missed very few workouts. What I love about Crossfit is there’s a regimen, there’s a coach, the groups are small, there’s a team element, and it’s done in one-hour. Plus most adhere to Paleo, so there’s more support for the diet. I love a LOT about CrossFit. There are some things that annoy me about CrossFit as well. But, I refused to let the few things annoy me get in the way of an overall great solution.

During this time, I also used a FitBit scale to measure my changes in body fat, but took a baseline body fat test using the Hydrostatic method (dunk tank) which is by far the most accurate measure, I used the LoseIt food app until I got disciplined, and I fanatically used–and still do–my NikePlus app for all my running. I also supplemented with shakes, but really learned that whole foods are better so I only used protein shakes post aggressive work outs–and only grass fed, free range whey protein. Finally, I consumed copious amounts of fish oil, by far the best I have found is from SFH (Stronger, Faster, Healthier).

To supplement my meals, often as a replacement or as a recovery protein at night, I used LifeShotz Vibe, which is a slower absorbing protein powder that helps increase the feelings of satiety–but also includes branch chain amino acids, which makes it particularly beneficial to consume at night and to let your body digest and absorb it while sleeping as a part of recovery.

You might think “well, that’s a ton of work and I’m not ready to CrossFit or run a marathon!” to which I’d offer two responses:

1. You don’t need to. The weight loss workout is battled out IN THE KITCHEN. It’s 80% what you eat. I don’t care how much you work out, food wins this war. For years, even when I worked out, I failed repeatedly at the food part of this. Which is the primary reason why I’ve failed 100 times. I thought that the battle was the one hour I was working out a day. Wrong! It’s actually the other 23-hours when you’re not working out, and are possibly eating the wrong stuff.

2. While it did help accelerate my goals, eating Paleo and being in such a calorie deficit made it a bit more challenging for me as well. I was running so much I was often hungry. And, I was burning so many more calories than I was taking in, I think it made my Crossfit, and particularly running, much more challenging. You should work out, but you don’t need to go crazy. Don’t expect overnight results, either. Set incremental goals so you can win along the way. And allow yourself a few cheat meals each week. But don’t get lazy and start cheating daily. If you aren’t losing weight, something is wrong with your diet. E.g., you are eating too much. 🙂

And even if you’ve failed 100 times, keep trying, keep trying, keep trying!

It’s so easy to get frustrated and give up. In the process of the last five years, I’ve even had some fitness people tell me “Hey Raz, maybe your body just wasn’t designed to be that lean” which would’ve been a nice out. But it was also BS, I knew it. They probably just felt badly for me. But don’t ever let others let you off the hook or give you an out to achieving your goals. Pick a plan. Stick with it. Execute. I appreciated far more the doctor that called me a “fatass” because a) it was true, and b) he really wanted to help me–even if it hurt him to say it, and me to hear it.

After hitting my goal, am I totally satisfied?

Well, kind of… 🙂

I’m thrilled to achieve it, was a total rush to see the numbers this morning after so many years of attempts and the last year of more intensively working at it. But, it’s funny, I don’t look as lean as I thought I would. And, I still wouldn’t feel confident running with my shirt off, which was my other (vain) goal–and not so others could look at me and say “wow, that guy is in great shape” but so I could simply feel good about being leaned up. Even if I get there someday, I PROMISE I will not be that obnoxious dude who prances around with his shirt off during or after running. If I ever do that, please punch me. Repeatedly. Instead, I will run on obscure roads where there are no people in sight. I just want to be able to do it for me.

So today I’ll let myself be excited for finally achieving something that evaded me for years, and on my 101st attempt with help from a lot of people along the way, Paleo foodies, other runners, and CrossFitters (particularly the San Mateo Team Elite gym).

But tomorrow, I’m back on the circuit to work towards my new body fat goal by April 2nd: Below 9%

101 thanks to each of you who have encouraged me along the way.

P.S. One final story, which helps keep any ego in check. A month ago I was at a 49’ers game and met another CEO of a start-up. He’s sitting next to me, and the whole game he’s saying “Man, you look like someone famous and I can’t figure it out!”

Twenty minutes later, he blurts out “THAT’S IT! I GOT IT. Matthew Mcconaughey! You look like that guy.” (I realize I look nothing like him, but it’s better than the Huey Lewis and the News I was told the night before).

So I said to him, “Think so?”

And he’s like, “YES! You look like a…CHUBBY VERSION of Matthew Mcconaughey!” So knowing I was going to lose another ten pounds, I said to him “Well, how much do you think I’d have to lose to NOT be a chubby version of him?”

He responds, “Look man, you don’t understand, you can’t change it, it’s in your face it’s not something you can lose. It’s not a bad thing…” Alas, I will probably always have chubby cheeks, but here’s to trying to get rid of them–and a constant dose of humility. 🙂

Today’s results

 

No doubts, take Lasix only as prescribed by your doctor. Levitra is one of the best-known medications of all day. What is the most significant info you must study about levitra vs cialis? Most doctors say the effectiveness of Levitra is well documented. Absolutely, a sexual problem refers to a problem during any phase of the sexual response cycle that prevents the individual from experiencing satisfaction from the sexual life. Whilst sex is not vital for good soundness, it’s doubtless important for anyone. Why it happen? What kinds of professionals treat sexual diseases in men? A common class of antidepressants, which include Zoloft — can kill the mood in bedroom.

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Sometimes You Have to Say “Screw It” (My First Marathon)

Sacramento Marathon, 5am Bus Pick Up

Today, I ran–and finished–my first marathon.

Yesterday’s post basically covered up to this morning. I’d committed to finishing, and then to achieve what was a very difficult (for me) stretch goal of completing under four hours.

Literally hours after I posted yesterday these two commitments, I met this awesome marathon coach/trainer at the CIM Expo and was asking her advice on the run today, what products to take, what to eat for breakfast, and how to pace myself for a sub four hour marathon. She was so helpful and encouraging, yet when I told her about my goal pace she asked about my training distances and times to date (which I exaggerated slightly to try to help my cause). She looked at me  and said “look, I don’t want to discourage you–but there’s no way you’re going to be able to do that pace based on your previous runs and training, especially with the rain and wind tomorrow–it’s supposed to be brutal. Just try to finish this one, I want to make sure you can finish.”

Raz at 4am marathon day, pretty scary hair!

This morning I caught the 5am bus, and who sits next to me? An ultra marathoner, and one of the pacers for the Sacramento marathon today. So she asks my goal, and I tell her to finish and then my stretch is a sub-four. She asks me the same line of questioning as the marathon coach last night, and based on my responses says “I don’t want to see you discouraged, but you can’t get close to four hours based on your prep. Even if you had a chance, everyone today is going to be off their target pace considerably because of the weather, the winds are gusting up to 40 MPH. Just focus on finishing this one, do your next one for time.” She really was awesome and full of helpful advice and super encouraging, and she was just being realistic.

But sometimes I hate reality. And a lot of times you can bend it.

It was like I was getting taunted, especially after my affirmations yesterday. Two really experienced marathoners, both telling me getting anywhere close to my goal was impossible. This happens to all of us in everyday life. And it’s so so so easy to succumb. Sometimes the wisdom makes sense to heed. Today, for me, it didn’t.

And this is what I know about myself: sometimes I need people to say “Hey dude, I believe in you” and other times all I need is a person–or two–to tell me at “There is NO WAY you can pull this off!” (incidentally, thanks to those who read my post yesterday and sent me kind messages).

So, I said screw it. I’m trying anyways. First to finish, then for a sub four hour marathon.

And here goes my first mile: 

Starting line: wind howling, it’s raining sideways, I’m wearing a trash bag. It’s in the 50’s and I’m freezing. Soaking wet. And excited. Oh, and I’m sick with a head cold. 🙂

Rich Razgaitis Just off Bus (video at the starting line of some CRAZY wind and rain going on, gusts up to 40 MPH)

At 0.1 miles, I get pretty emotional–yes, the teary kind. Ridiculous, I know, but three years ago I had two failed marathon attempts, 18-months ago I couldn’t run due to this nagging tendonitis, and four months ago I was starting my Sacramento marathon training with three mile runs at an 11-12 minute pace. Today I KNEW I was finishing a marathon. It was a bit of emotional overload. Oh, and the National Anthem was playing. That always does it to me, too. I am so in love with America.

At 0.4 miles, I throw up.

At 0.75 miles, I have to pee. Already. And waited in line for 90-seconds to do so (these 90-seconds become critical later).

Jitters, anyone? I start to settle in after that first mile.

So I’m running about a 9:12 pace the first half of the race. A sub four hour marathon is a 9:09 pace. So I was tracking close, but it was also only the first half and I was still fresh.

The second half I pick it up a tad, but I’m getting fairly fatigued. At 20 miles my legs are bloody screaming. At this point it’s mostly mental. Your body is begging at you to stop, slow down, or keel over. Each step feels like knives in your legs. And I keep thinking, if I just get to 23 or 24 it’ll be easier. Actually, it doesn’t. The reverse is true, it gets massively harder for each mile beyond the high teens. At mile 23 I debate making another (my fifth or sixth!) potty break, and opt to take the 35-seconds to stop. It’s about this time that I also finally ditch wearing the trash bag, as the rain and wind finally subsided and the sun starts to peek out.

Miles 24 and 25 feel eternal. But it’s a strange feeling of excruciating pain coupled with elation, because I knew I was going to finish, and my pace was improving–I was running 8:30 miles at this point, but wasn’t sure this would be enough to get me below four hours.

Raz at Mile 25 of Sacramento Marathon

26.2 miles later, I cross the finish line and my NikePlus tells me I finished in four hours and four seconds. But I thought I’d started the NikePlus early, and that the chip would show a faster time. Alas, this afternoon I learned my chip time was four hours and 33 seconds, which is about a 9:10/mile pace. I needed a 9:09/mile pace to finish under four hours.

33-seconds over four-hours. So. Stinking. Close.

California Marathon Finish Line

I’m still thrilled. I finished and I chased a time-based goal that a lot of people told me I couldn’t come close to accomplishing today–and got pretty dang near to it in tough conditions. I had a blast. I learned a lot about myself in the process. I accomplished something that’s been evading me for years. And I was inspired by thousands of other runners in the process.

And I got a great reminder that at times you’ve just got to say “screw it” in the face of rational advice or things that seem to difficult. A lot of times you know in your heart what’s possible, and you’ve got to go for it, even when others tell you that it’s impossible.

Finally, I really want to express special thanks to all of those who have supported or encouraged me in the process of my first marathon, there were many of you along the way–from helping me pick the race and designing the training schedule, to various encouragement and checking in throughout, I’ll forever be grateful.

Raz Just Across Sac Marathon Finish Line

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Prepared to Fail

Tomorrow is the Sacramento marathon (also known as California Marathon, or CIM).

I am not really a runner. Yet, I love to run. The solidtude. Steps on the ground in a rhythmic pattern. Letting your mind wander. The runners rush after a good jaunt.  I just wasn’t built to be a long distance runner. But that hasn’t quelled my enthusiasm for it.

I have two prior (failed) Marathon attempts, both three years ago. Midway through my training I got some pretty harsh tendonitis that benched me. A little over a year ago I sought out a highly regarded Orthopedic surgeon who I was sure could get me back into running. After my evaluation, he told me his best advice was to lay low a year, possibly two, do light stretching and exercises—maybe aquatic!—but to do nothing running related. Was basically a lot of “you know, tendonitis is tricky…not great blood flow there, slow to repair, there’s just really not a lot you can do…” Upon my request he reluctantly made a physical therapist recommendation. I still remember how hopeless I felt leaving his office.

Instead (of basically doing nothing) I found a physical therapist who got me jump started. I remember on my first visit asking him if he could help me run again, with the end goal being a marathon. With some optimism he said yes. Part of what I needed was some physical help, and he used an amazing (and painful—like bring-you-to-tears-painful) technique called Graston Therapy that made a huge difference. But he also gave me some hope.

So fast forward 1+ years, I’ve now been training for the Sac Marathon for four months, supplemented with Crossfit a few days a week, and have been following the Paleo diet consistently and have dropped a few pounds. At worst, I am in decent shape. But even still, I’m lacking confidence for tomorrow.

So up until this moment, I have given myself an out for tomorrow’s race so that if I don’t finish I’m okay with it. And myself.

In other words, I’ve set myself up to be okay with failing. Which is not really like me at all, but this dang marathon has evaded me for years and I’m quite a bit humbled by it.

It manifests through a lot of ways, by how I share with others that I’m “trying” to run the Sacramento marathon and simply “hope” to finish, to my latest series of internal conversations this morning about how the cold I caught this morning and lousy running weather all make it more understandable if I “try” but don’t complete it.

Why have I done this? It’s protective. If I finish, then I still feel good. But if I don’t, well, then I won’t feel so bad because I’ve been hedging all the while. It’s pretty primitive, really. And I’m kind of a sissy for doing it. Because all I’ve really done is reduced some of my determination, and increased my risk of failure.

Hours ago before I boarded my flight from the East Coast to Sacramento, by way of my hometown Dallas, I realized what I’ve been doing psychologically over the past four months. And in an instant it totally changed my context and beliefs. Because, a) I’m not really a sissy, and b) I don’t quit stuff, and c) I should have enough mental mojo to fix this deficient thought pattern.

So here’s where I am now, and I’m not deviating from it for one minute.

Tomorrow, I’m going to run—and finish—the Sacramento marathon.

And, here’s the real stretch for me: I’m going to run it in under four hours.

No doubts, take Lasix only as prescribed by your doctor. Levitra is one of the best-known medications of all day. What is the most significant information you must study about levitra vs cialis? Most doctors say the effectiveness of Levitra is well documented. Absolutely, a sexual problem refers to a problem during any phase of the sexual response cycle that prevents the individual from experiencing satisfaction from the sexual life. Whilst sex is not vital for good health, it’s doubtless important for anyone. Why it happen? What kinds of professionals treat sexual diseases in men? A common class of antidepressants, which include Zoloft — can kill the mood in bedroom.

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Running Fast(er) vs. Running Slow(er)

This year I did my first Turkey Trot, I think ever but there’s a chance growing up we did one. In Columbus there was this run called “The Dam Run” (Hoover Dam) and we did it a few times as a family but don’t recall if it was on Thanksgiving. And, no, I don’t want to Google it to find out–I want it to remain a mystery. It was lots of fun and I loved the ability to pseudo-swear and say Dam in front of my parents as a kid.

In fact, I still do. Dam. Dam. Dam. Damdada, DamdeDa DamdadadaeedededDAM!

Moving on…

In the last month I’ve “run”  in two races in over 20-years. On Sunday December 2nd, I’m running the Sacramento Marathon. It’s my third attempt to finish a marathon, the other two I trained (and paid! :)) for, but a really nagging Achilles and Patellar tendonitis prevented me from even making it to race day on either. So these two runs in the last month were part of my training regimen for the Sac Marathon, and I wanted to shake out some of my nerves.

On on this Thanksgiving race, I had this really cool physical manifestation about how running with certain groups can be such a great comparison for teams of people.

Two weeks ago I ran a half marathon, and I paced myself moderately well and finished running the 13.2 miles @ an 8:50 pace per mile. This is probably an average-ish pace. As I’m running the last mile I’m probably at a 7:30 pace and passing tons of people. No big deal, and I wasn’t trying to pass tons of people, I just was trying to finish at a better clip. But I was in a crowd of decent runners who were really starting to stagger towards the end. And there were few group dynamics to push through to the end. Just my own dynamics. Which was/is fine.

So this Thursday, I’m running a 10k (6.2 miles) and I decided to try to pick it up a bit and run with more aggressive runners and try to finish at a sub 7:30 pace. I started at a 7:38 pace, and ended the race by averaging a 7:20 pace for the full 10k. And once again, if you’re a runner, this still isn’t fast. The last mile I felt pretty solid and picked it up to run about a 6:45 pace. But here’s the funny thing, though I’d really picked it up the last mile as I’d done in the prior race, in this one I could barely pass anyone…because I was now among better runners. And they’re all pushing hard, and each other, and it caused our entire pack to speed up. It sounds silly, but at a certain point there was this group energy that just carried our informal pod of runners that were clumped together. Which also made it more difficult to slow down.

And as I’m running, it really dawns on me that this is such a physical manifestation of the difference between teams of people in business. In the really good teams, the group dynamics make the individual performance better. And the irony is, that the individual performance also gets easier, because there’s this group-dyanmic-force-shield-of-sorts that helps each person out as well. Nothing profound here, but I wanted to capture it on a blog post for myself if nothing else. (as an aside: for anyone reading this who is a walker or runner, this isn’t about whether you should run faster or slower, or if you’re in XYZ pace or whatever. I think all fitness goals are personal–do what works. And keep doing it).

So in the last mile of the race, four things are going through my head: man, I’m tired, I love this Mos Def power song, this last mile is an interesting business metaphor let me dissect the ways, and I really hope I can finish the Sacramento marathon. Regarding that last one, one week from tomorrow I’ll know.

No doubts, take Lasix only as prescribed by your doc. Levitra is one of the best-known medications of all time. What is the most significant information you must study about levitra vs cialis? Most doctors say the effectiveness of Levitra is well documented. Absolutely, a sexual problem refers to a problem during any phase of the sexual response cycle that prevents the individual from experiencing satisfaction from the sexual life. Whilst sex is not vital for good soundness, it’s doubtless great for anyone. Why it happen? What kinds of professionals treat sexual diseases in men? A common class of antidepressants, which include Zoloft — can kill the mood in bedroom.

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I Learn the Damnedest Lessons…

From the most bizarre or seemingly normal situations. Maybe I have an overactive imagination. Or perhaps try to find cause/effect and meaning in things for which maybe not so much meaning exists. Like here. Here. Here. Or even here. See the pattern? I could list ten more…

But today I got the greatest little life lesson from a guy who cleaned my car. Yeah, I already get that this doesn’t sound like it’s going to be interesting, but it’s rare that I have an experience and write about it on the same day, which I’ve done. So just hang tight. Or read fast.

This morning I set up for my car to be detailed by Antonio with Home Detailing Auto Service while I worked from home. Found him online, read a ton of reviews. Everybody raved about him. Everybody. I. Mean. Everybody. 

So he shows up, and I was going to be on a business call at the and just hand him the keys but I decided that’d be a) slightly rude, b) I’m a bit intrigued that everybody raves about this guy and want to meet him, and finally c) that I’m still too obsessive compulsive particular about giving instructions on what needs to be done with the car–yeah even though it’s a Prius. Yes, he’s an expert auto detailer. But so am I. I have Googled it.

Really, I am quite particular–ask anyone who has ever eaten at a restaurant with me, I am convinced I can take whatever is on the menu and make it better with about five adjustments. So I go outside, and he’s smiling and within 30 seconds he’s waving his hands around, and speaking with the most adorable accent, and Latin passion, explaining to me that my paint is starving…

“My friend, my friend” he says to me, with his hands waving wildly (as one, I love “moderately expressive” people), “look at the tree over there. You see that tree? You think it just comes up and blossoms? No. You must water it, my friend. Your car is suffocating. You must wash it monthly after I detail it. Promise me, my friend, you will wash it and your paint, we can bring it back.”

I’m nodding, in love with his enthusiasm (and he’s also very knowledgeable–clearly I’m not doing his depth of knowledge justice just trust me–this guy knows his stuff), and my non verbal response I can see encourages Antonio to share another analogy.

“Do you work out, my friend? You work out, Si? You body, you need the nutrients. You need the nutrients and the water. Otherwise you will be drinking coffee in the morning and not working so well. You need the vitamins to do the working in your body. You need the aqua. Your paint, your paint is the same way. We can fix the paint on your car my friend, we can breathe new life into it, but you need to promise me you will wash it.” Then he goes on to diagram on my dusty window what’s happening with my paint and why it’s being fatigued by the elements. (seriously).

Now I’m smiling, hugely, and still nodding. I love this guy. Which I’m sure he can tell, and my facial expressions are likely begging for more stories. And the ultimate irony to all of this is that all I really want is my interior to smell good. If I found a homeless man peeing on the paint of my car one morning, I think the most excitement it would elicit out of me is a “c’mon dude, is that really necessary?” I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it. But the more Antonio talks, the more I’m starting to care about my paint.

Three more analogies later (true) he’s ready to go to work. But now I’m not.

Intrigued, I ask him about his philosophy on business. And he looks at me, smiling, arms waving wildly, saying, “My friend, let me tell you something. I have been doing this for over 20-years. I look at you, and I don’t see money. I see a customer, someone that I need to serve. And who wants to have a great experience. I want to make you happy. That is all. I want to make your car look beautiful. You and your beautiful car. If you have beautiful looking car, then anything is possible for you, no? And I want to make you happy for a long time. Other detailers, they like this cheap wax. Why? Because you come back every three months. Not me. If I use cheap wax, I think in three months you not happy. I want you happy, very happy, for a long time. My friend, just wash your car for me every month. It will look good for one year. You will be happy. You will Yelp me. You will tell friends how happy you are with Antonio. And, that, my friend, is why I am so busy and have been in business so long. If I make you happy, that is all I need to do.”

Sometimes you have these experiences, simple experiences, that are so full of insights, simple learnings, and beautiful people. Today was one of them. And, as he was finishing up, I told him I wanted to take a picture of him and my car.

He said “Yes, yes, that’s fine my friend. But please, please my friend, make sure you park your car one week facing the garage and one week facing away from the garage. It is better for your paint, and the suns rays will be scattered across it more evenly.”

 

No doubts, take Lasix only as prescribed by your physician. Levitra is one of the best-known medications of all time. What is the most significant information you must study about levitra vs cialis? Most doctors say the effectiveness of Levitra is well documented. Absolutely, a sexual problem refers to a problem during any phase of the sexual response cycle that prevents the individual from experiencing satisfaction from the sexual life. Whilst sex is not vital for good health, it’s doubtless significant for anyone. Why it happen? What kinds of professionals treat sexual diseases in men? A common class of antidepressants, which include Zoloft — can kill the mood in bedroom.

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10 Seconds ’till Chaos

On Tuesday I was in San Francisco for a meeting at One Market Plaza, followed by others in the area then back to One Market.

As I arrived the in city (lower case, always always lower case–only NYC should get the capitalization) the place was chaos. Pre San Francisco Giants parade prep and antics, I figured. So I parked, started walking to One Market Plaza, and saw that it had effectively been quarantined. There were police everywhere and the whole building evacuated and roped off.

Cops were turning everyone away saying it was a “private police matter” but I found an undercover (I think FBI) agent and we started chatting. After a while he told me it was a bomb scare, probably nothing and that I’d be able to get into the building within thirty minutes–in time for my meeting.

An hour later still no change. So I rebooked my meeting at Peet’s Coffee (best Vegan scones, but I’m off the carbs for now) in the Ferry building which is pretty close by. Another half hour later as I was walking to my meeting the perimeter expanded and I could tell the energy level had increased a bit. Suddenly, it felt like it was a much bigger deal going on.

As I was walking to Ferry something happened about ten feet away from me. A bunch of people were asleep and hanging out on the lawn (some homeless, some not). There were a dozen police around, and suddenly, one of the policemen started yelling at a guy to wake up as they were trying to clear the area since the quarantine perimeter expanded, as he got closer the sleeper his dog started barking at the policeman and lunged after him.

Within ten seconds, chaos erupted.

The policeman started yelling as he’s directly to my left and quickly unleashed his handgun pointed it at the dog. Then bystanders started screaming, the guy formerly-known-as-sleeping-beauty-who-probably-crapped-his-pants-as-he-awoke-t0-a-handgun-in-his-and-his-dogs-face is trying to restrain his dog, which starts looking rabid (the dog, not the guy), so instantaneously, a few more policemen pull guns out of their holsters and they’re alternating aim between the dog and the formerly-asleep-guy who is yelling whilst trying to contain and protect his dog. Bystanders are starting to freak (and yell at the police as well), guns are still pointed, screaming by all parties ensues, and the stuff is hitting the fan.

And as I’m standing there watching this, I’m amazed. Not at the chaos (that too). But at how quickly the chaos happened. Ten seconds. Literally, that’s all it took to go from controlled to uncontrolled. Clearly, there was a lot of stress to the situation and the point of this has nothing to do with how either the police or the civilians handled the situation. I don’t even have an opinion even though I watched it unfold, who knows all the dynamics that were really going on and ultimately I’m sure the bomb scare made the situation all the more acute.

What dawned on me is how many times that’s happened in other areas of life (and not nearly as stressful as this was an extreme situation, which eventually became controlled).

Think about it. How many times in our life have things escalated to chaos within ten seconds? Probably too many. And, unfortunately, ten seconds is sometimes all it takes.

 

No doubts, take Lasix only as prescribed by your physician. Levitra is one of the best-known medications of all time. What is the most significant info you must study about levitra vs cialis? Most doctors say the effectiveness of Levitra is well documented. Absolutely, a sexual problem refers to a problem during any phase of the sexual response cycle that prevents the individual from experiencing satisfaction from the sexual life. Whilst sex is not vital for good health, it’s doubtless important for anyone. Why it happen? What kinds of professionals treat sexual diseases in men? A common class of antidepressants, which include Zoloft — can kill the mood in bedroom.

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Ramsey vs. Razgaitis: round 13

A year ago I had a Mercedes sedan. Loved it. One of six that I’ve owned. In fact, I’ve loved each one of them. But my most recent sedan was in the shop about half the year. The Mercedes dealer just couldn’t fix whatever was wrong (though had no problems continuing to charge me). I finally got so frustrated that I threatened the service manager  that I was going to trade my Mercedes in on a Prius if they couldn’t fix it.

A month later I was driving a Prius.

Part of it was my frustration with Mercedes dealers. Part of it was driven by my newfound learning’s from Dave Ramsey. Round one of my Dave Ramsey experience years ago was taking the 12-week course and making some dramatic changes in our finances and moving to more of a cash based system (even though I hate carrying cash). You might not agree with all of his beliefs, but it is really hard to disagree with most of his fundamentals. Where I net out is that I’m an 80% solution kind of guy. If you can find a plan and just stick with it, even if it’s not perfect but you execute against it brilliantly, you’ll win. I’ve gone through many rounds with Dave Ramsey financial decision making and it’s been a big help in our life.

So round 13. It’s three weeks ago. I sold the Company I was running (not a great outcome, but solid enough all things considered and am happy) and decided to take a pilgrimage to Colorado to decompress and figure out what to do next. And I wanted to drive, not fly.

And I didn’t want to drive the Prius 3,500 miles in one week. My back and butt didn’t want me to do that either. It’s a great car for cities and short trips. It’s a torture chamber for long road trips for big dudes like myself.

Plus, I have Mercedes fever. And let me say it before it annoys anybody, even though I’m going to rail a bit on my Prius I am fortunate to have a car at all, so this isn’t a post about my vanity (hopefully) but rather how people can change how you think. So here’s the short story. I’ve been looking for six months at buying a car. A few weeks ago I was close to buying a CLK550 convertible, but the Ramsey side of my brain just kept gnawing at me that I shouldn’t drop that much money (even though it was used and still less than the price of a new fully loaded Passat).

So I stepped down my aspirations and a few days before I left found a great (used, always used–I will never buy a new car) E55 AMG up in Portland. Perfect color combination. Great condition. Called the guy selling it who I really liked, did the CarFax, even had it thoroughly inspected at the MB dealership and it checked out, structured the deal, and was an hour away from wiring the money. Was going to fly up to Portland, pick it up, and start my Colorado road trip the next day.

Thirty minutes before I was to send the wire, I called the deal off. Just couldn’t do it. And the difference in price between what I’d get for selling my Prius and buying the Mercedes was less than five grand. And I’m not trying to suggest, “Five grand, that’s nothing!” but it’s not that indulgent either. I was going to pay cash. I could afford it. Most of the depreciation on the car had worn off…I think (THINK!) even Dave might’ve said “Heck Raz, you should go and buy that car!” But I just didn’t want to spend the money and make that quick of a decision. Ten years ago, I would’ve hit the “buy now” button within 30-seconds of seeing the car (not really, but close). And ultimately maybe I’ll end up getting another car–but for now I’m writing this from the tail end of my Colorado road trip in Telluride with a snow covered Prius, an aching back, a happier pocketbook, and some thrilling adventures (see my last sentence of this post).

This is what happens when someone changes your life. You think differently. You see the world from a totally new lens. And it’s generally impossible to reverse it. You can try to drown it out, but you just can’t eliminate it from how you think and who you are. Various people have done that throughout my life, and Dave Ramsey is one of them. And I’m really grateful for it, especially for my latest round 13 of financial decision making.

And, let’s be real, while driving a V8 with 391 lb/ft of torque throughout Colorado would’ve been a lot of fun, there’s nothing quite as exciting as trying to pass a semi truck on a mountain highway with oncoming traffic in the distance when you’re driving a four-cylinder hybrid. That, my friends, is truly a thrill. 🙂

No doubts, take Lasix only as prescribed by your physician. Levitra is one of the best-known medications of all day. What is the most significant information you must study about levitra vs cialis? Most doctors say the effectiveness of Levitra is well documented. Absolutely, a sexual problem refers to a problem during any phase of the sexual response cycle that prevents the individual from experiencing satisfaction from the sexual life. Whilst sex is not vital for good heartiness, it’s doubtless important for anyone. Why it happen? What kinds of professionals treat sexual diseases in men? A common class of antidepressants, which include Zoloft — can kill the mood in bedroom.

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Yep, I Attended Burning Man…And Loved It.

Sunrise at Entrance of Burning Man

About a month ago I went to Burning Man for several days. If you’ve never been, I pretty much guarantee it is everything you heard. And nothing at all.

1990 was the first year Burning Man took place on Black Rock Desert (previously on beaches in San Francisco). That was also the same year my dad gave me an article in my inbox (here’s the link that explains my growing up with an inbox) and it was about this specific Burning Man event, before it ever became popular–heck, before most people had heard of it let alone popular. At the time I was 17, I’m sure he doesn’t remember giving it to me, but I can still recall certain excerpts, the creativity, and photographs from the article. Since reading that story, I always wanted to go and given newfound proximity (SF is a relatively short drive to Burning Man) that sentiment grew over the past year.

One of the many awesome costumes on the Playa

At the last minute, and based on an invite from a fellow SF start-up friend that gave me the chance to stay in a very cool camp, I decided to go to Burning Man 2012 along with another good friend of mine.

It was an event itself getting into the Burn, we arrived at the entrance at 2am but didn’t make our way through the gate until 7am. Just the process of waiting was a fun experience, and unforgettable whilst watching the sunrise come up over the Playa. Initiation through the gate included rolling around in the alkaline desert, gonging some bell, and being told “welcome home” by the hosts.

There were a lot of things I enjoyed about Burning Man, but the winner for me was really discovering the creative process people need to go through to get to, well, their creative output.

My great friend, Joel Canon, hanging at Camp Ideate

So many of us love the end result of creatives, the completion of artwork, acting, music or whatever else. But often it’s easy to discount or underplay the creative process that people need to go through in order to achieve the end result. For me, Burning Man was an amazing look into the creative process that can benefit both creatives and non-creatives alike. And just so there’s no  misunderstanding, my use of the term and interpretation “creative process” isn’t code for illicit drug use, etc. Yeah, there’s some of that at Burning Man. But not everybody participates (nor did yours truly) nor is there pressure to do so. What I mean about the creative process is literally just that. The process of communication. Exploration. Artistic expression. Learned through either or both introspection as well external observation and sharing.

And while I loved my time at the Burn, it doesn’t mean I loved every single thing about it. But I’m focusing on the parts I liked, not the select few I didn’t.

Stopped Here for My Crazy Buddy...

Tons of  amazing artwork and exhibits, fantastic conversations, and an eclectic–very eclectic–array of workshops. Our camp, Ideate, was focused on technology workshops and demonstrated a really cool 3D printer. I’ve read a lot about this technology, but it was my first time seeing it firsthand. And for the record, the 3D printer is insane. Absolutely crazy insane, because what’s available today is a glimpse of what will be forthcoming in the future. 3D printing will be one of the next big disrupters of this decade.

Burning Man Sunset at Camp Ideate

Burning Man is lots of things. Yet, for me, the most apt truism of Burning Man was shared by a guy helping me shop–yeah you’ve gotta dress up in costume to go to Burning Man–in Haight Ashbury a week before the event. I asked him to describe it, and he looked at me and matter-of-factly said:

“Whatever it is you’re looking for, that’s what you’ll find.”

Which is exactly what I did.

No doubts, take Lasix only as prescribed by your doc. Levitra is one of the best-known medications of all season. What is the most significant information you must study about levitra vs cialis? Most doctors say the effectiveness of Levitra is well documented. Absolutely, a sexual problem refers to a problem during any phase of the sexual response cycle that prevents the individual from experiencing satisfaction from the sexual life. Whilst sex is not vital for good health, it’s doubtless great for anyone. Why it happen? What kinds of professionals treat sexual diseases in men? A common class of antidepressants, which include Zoloft — can kill the mood in bedroom.

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How Shattering my iPhone 4S Gave me Clarity

Last night I was leaving a meeting late at night, while jumping (not literally) into the car I dropped by beloved iPhone 4s on the pavement and the screen shattered (literally). Five years of iPhone usage, and I’ve never dropped any of my iPhones (though I have submerged an iPhone in the salty Ocean while trying to save a $20 boat brush from falling in the water–bad economic tradeoff).

Bummed, really bummed, I spent a few hours this evening getting rebooted with a new iPhone 4S at the Apple store.

Sometimes you look at both the monumental and meaningless things that happen in life and wonder why.  A few months ago in NYC I was caught in a hellacious rainstorm, and despite a zippered bag and umbrella my Macbook Pro was soaked–and consequently ruined. Shortly before that my wallet, filled with too many months worth of stuff from being a road warrior, a lot of cash, and a wad of receipts for reimbursement was stolen. Now my iPhone 4S was shattered. (note to self: this isn’t trending well, so you should roll yourself up in bubble wrap).

Today, a cracked iPhone screen gave me an amazing experience, and a bit of an epiphany. And it wasn’t what I’d originally thought it was going to bring me (which was justification to buy an iPhone 5).

As I was finishing my install at the Genius Bar about two hours after my arrival, wondering to myself why the heck it was taking so long, I saw a tall, lanky guy with reddish hair wearing plain clothes emerge from the back of the Apple store typically reserved for employees. As he took a step out the door by the Genius Bar in the back to make his way to the exit every Apple employee in the entire store stopped whatever they were doing and erupted into applause, interspersed with yelps and shout outs to a guy they obviously adored.

It was his last day as an Apple employee.

And as he made his way out of the store, all the Apple employees hugged, high five’d, gave cards and gifts to him, all whilst the enthusiastic applause continued as he took step by step leaving one life behind to begin another.

I’ve sat through thousands of hours of undergrad and grad classes, training programs, business meetings, and consultants–many of which were filled with people (myself included) babbling about how to create a great culture with teams that love each other. While a lot of these hours were great, far too many of them were uselessly filled with pointless anecdotes and superficial stories.

And, here I am at an Apple store in Burlingame, California, where a cracked iPhone screen and the cost of a replacement 4S gave me an amazing experience. I had chills the whole time I watched that guy walk out the door. In fact, I still do. I can’t quit thinking about it. So I had to write about it.

Today a guy I really respect asked me the professional career question “What do you really want to do?” I gave what I now realize was a typical muckety muck answer. It was true. But it was also a bit of muckety muck bullshit.

Because what I really want to do is create–and be a part of–what I just experienced.

That, is what I really want to do. Perhaps someday I will. But for now and in this moment, I’ll simply hang in the afterglow from an authentic lesson that I couldn’t plan for myself, which is exactly why my shattered iPhone helped plan it for me.

No doubts, take Lasix only as prescribed by your physician. Levitra is one of the best-known medications of all when. What is the most significant information you must study about levitra vs cialis? Most doctors say the effectiveness of Levitra is well documented. Absolutely, a sexual problem refers to a problem during any phase of the sexual response cycle that prevents the individual from experiencing satisfaction from the sexual life. Whilst sex is not vital for good health, it’s doubtless great for anyone. Why it happen? What kinds of professionals treat sexual diseases in men? A common class of antidepressants, which include Zoloft — can kill the mood in bedroom.

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I Have a New Hero: The UAHS ’92 Reunion Recap

Over the 4th of July I went to my 20th high school reunion.

I’ve not seen all but a handful of you since graduation in ’92, as all of my family has moved far away from Columbus so there are few roots that remain apart from friendships years back. This is a simple post with a few musings from my brief time back “home” in the form of a letter to all those who went.

1. Our 20th reunion was, to me, the great equalizer. We generally live in a society where perception leads and reality follows. It’s annoying, but true. Yet, it seems that at the 20-year reality starts to reign. And people care more about the relationships than the showman/woman ship. I like that. And I loved seeing every single one of you again.

2. You all were very kind to me, probably undeservedly. I can look back at my life–high school no exception–and think to myself “Wow, I wish I would’ve done this differently” or “I should’ve been more patient with him/her/etc.” Regardless, kindness pretty much abounded by everyone to everyone.

3. I went to school with some really exceptional individuals. Authentic. Smart. Funny. Talented. You guys amazed me. During my time in Columbus, I was half-tempted to pack up and move (don’t worry fam, it was a fleeting thought) and create a technology incubator in Columbus where I’d combine start-up capital and hands on help to incubate businesses across the city. There’s great talent in Columbus, and it’s a fantastic platform for new initiatives. Alas, I think we’re still too coastal. I wish I had ten lives. I’d definitely spend one of them doing the C-bus incubator.

4. There’s a part of my roots that I really miss. Seeing familiar places and faces gave me nostalgia I’ve not felt in quite a while. I did a few long runs throughout old Arlington and floods of memories came back to me:

  • How I used to ride my bike as my dad would run in an old blue set of scrubs, we’d run the same route repeatedly and I never tired of the trip
  • Jones middle school and the field where Coach Kingsboro used to inspire a bunch of 13-year old boys to become men on the football field and off the field in life with stories out of archives I never knew existed
  • Huffman’s market where I used to work stocking shelves and Mr. Huffman would pull me aside to and say “slow down son and take your time fronting those shelves, you’re going to run out of work for me to give you” (always a type-A and impatient for the next thing)
  • Mr. Richards house, my 4th and 5th grade teacher who still remains one of my favorite human beings to this day; I ran by his house twice, stopped by and never connected with him, but even being near his home reminded me how much he believed in me and so many others (Swarty, you know exactly what I’m talking about)
  • And so, so, so much more

5. Finally, I learned that Todd Emery is my hero.

All of you are gifted in various ways–at the reunion there were successful business people, exceptional doctors, creative artists, those talented in a trade (I wish I could build something exceptional with my hands), amazing full-time moms and dads who are raising some incredible kiddos, and even a longstanding friend who is a fantastic comedian.

Yet, the most inspirational person for me was Todd Emery, who works with a certain group of kids at Jones Middle School. When I heard about this, it really put things in perspective for me. I used to think my job was exceptionally challenging. I was wrong. My job is easy. Todd’s job? Now that’s exceptionally challenging. Life changing. And admirable.

I left the reunion with a different perspective on life. And a new hero.

To all of you from the class of ’92, thanks for giving me such a great gift of your friendship growing up, and a refresher during our latest meet up.

I’ll see you guys again in 20-years.

No doubts, take Lasix only as prescribed by your doctor. Levitra is one of the best-known medications of all period. What is the most significant information you must study about levitra vs cialis? Most doctors say the effectiveness of Levitra is well documented. Absolutely, a sexual problem refers to a problem during any phase of the sexual response cycle that prevents the individual from experiencing satisfaction from the sexual life. Whilst sex is not vital for good soundness, it’s doubtless important for anyone. Why it happen? What kinds of professionals treat sexual diseases in men? A common class of antidepressants, which include Zoloft — can kill the mood in bedroom.

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Happy 7th Birthday Buddy

Fourth letter in the series. Third one is here. Second one is here. First one is here.

Dear Levi,

Here it is. Already again. Another year. You are getting so big. I want to hold your hand. Your still-tiny-but-growing-s0-fast hand, and envelop it in the palm of my large and aging hand, and hold it tight. And then I want to do nothing else other than sit here listening to the Friday Night Lights soundtrack and have you sit nestled in my right arm, like a football, and fall asleep against me. Without a care in the world. It would comfort me to make you feel protected, secure, and serene.

Today was different, because it was really about the family, as well you and me. A few very special people remembered this day, and for that I am grateful. My dad, known as “Deep Rivers” to the grandkids, was here in Cali the weekend and got to celebrate your birthday with us today and yesterday. You are the last in the lineage of the Razgaitis’ name. Before I had a son I thought I’d regret the end of our family name; now, though, it seems perfect that the name rests with you. I wouldn’t want it any other way. I am proud of you in ways that only a dad can understand, for reasons that are unrelated to merit or even personal experience in knowing you in the traditional sense; it simply has to do with unbridled love and admiration for you. No. Matter. What.

Yesterday we were going to take RoZo go-karting as part of our celebration of you, but it rained so we’re going another weekend. I’m sure you would have been wired just like me, with an unbridled addiction enthusiasm for cars. There’s nobody left at the house for me to go and recruit to test drive expensive European cars that would give us a lifetime of headache and a wallet full of pain–yet a handful of fun. Perhaps that’s why I now drive a Prius. I just need a partner in crime to get into some car shopping trouble; you could have supported my habit charitable contribution to the economy. At least one Saturday a month, I would strap you into the back of my Dave-Ramsey approved 50-MPG wielding econobox and we’d go and drive the new 328, the Tesla S, maybe even a Fisker Karma–and anything else fun we could get our hands on. But it’s not really the cars I want to drive, it’s just the experience I want to have with you. A little co-pilot to take on adventures, to talk with, and to pal around together. RoZo make great adventurers as well, and I absolutely adore having two daughters–and would be thrilled if we had several more. But I know the father/son thing would be unique, and perhaps I’m selfish for wanting that too, with you.

So instead of go-karting, we did simple stuff and hung around the house. We sent you some balloons, each with personalized messages from each of us, and sent them flying away in the skies behind our house in California with the fog-enveloped mountains and  blue sky with whispy clouds as our backdrop. It was really magical to watch the balloons make their way upward to the point at which I lost sight of them. Each of us took our balloons and, from youngest to oldest, said a little something to you, and released them into the air.

An old friend of mine, Bob Bonanducci, is up in heaven with you. He was a mentor to me for years, and he forgot more about selling and human psychology than I’ll ever know. I used to go on sales calls with him during my College breaks (yes, on my own and for “fun”, this is how you learn good stuff!) to understand how to sell, connect with people, and learn some life lessons. Years ago, before he passed away, he called me and asked that I call him back. I was “busy” and before I knew it six months passed and I never returned the call. Before I knew it, I got an email saying he had passed away. I still regret not taking five minutes to call him back. He was a really good man to me.

Anyways, my advice is also wrapped up in a favor as well. You should go find Bob, he is the big Italian guy who probably has marinara sauce stained on his white shirt robe whilst surrounded by a group of people telling a story of some kind using all sorts of expressive hand movements with his booming voice. They’re all laughing, and mesmerized by his magnetic enthusiasm I’m sure. My advice is to listen, and learn a thing or two from Bob. And tell him I miss him as well, and that someday I’ll replace the phone call with a personal visit. Not too soon, I hope, but someday. The three of us will sit together and tell stories, and laugh. And just love on each other.

I still miss you buddy. All the time. More than you know. You are in my heart constantly, and you are inseparable from my soul. If you were here right now, sleeping in my arms, I would whisper that in your ear, and remind you that there’s nothing you could do that would keep me from loving you as I do and always will. And I know that mom, Royce, and Zoe would all say the same.

Happy 7th Birthday Levi.

Love,

Dad (and the family)

No doubts, take Lasix only as prescribed by your doctor. Levitra is one of the best-known medications of all time. What is the most significant information you must study about levitra vs cialis? Most doctors say the effectiveness of Levitra is well documented. Absolutely, a sexual problem refers to a problem during any phase of the sexual response cycle that prevents the individual from experiencing satisfaction from the sexual life. Whilst sex is not vital for good health, it’s doubtless great for anyone. Why it happen? What kinds of professionals treat sexual diseases in men? A common class of antidepressants, which include Zoloft — can kill the mood in bedroom.

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“Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming…”

I love movies; someday I’d like to write some screenplays, or even produce a movie. Likely, this is among the (too many) things I dream about but will never get around to doing. If only I had 10 lives, or even get by on a few hours sleep each night, then perhaps. But, for now, in fleeting free moments, I’ll just let my mind wander to creating movies that only fit within a certain genre of “feel good” stories about overcoming adversity, leadership, and someone finding their “thing” in life–sometimes through the unlikeliest of people or circumstances.

So today Zoe woke up quoting scenes from Finding Nemo, a great movie, and begged me to watch it with her this morning. And, since it’s what one could classify as a crappy day and am postponing my bike ride–at least until this afternoon when it heats up from 42 to 45 degrees–I decided to sit down and see it again. Royce also joined us. There’s are some great scenes in the movie that make me think a lot about life and business, and I really do think it’s true to form.

So Marlin, Nemo’s dad, is on this quest for his son, and for most that have seen it the story revolves around this entire journey. And what I love about it is that he gets saddled with Dory, who is clumsy, charming, sweet, forgetful, and aloof. Yet he’s dependent on her. And despite Marlin’s hard core all out effort to find Nemo, they keep getting sidetracked–sometimes, usually, via Dory’s delinquencies. And this heavily annoys me. There’s little that I like in the movie about Dory, she’s just…well…annoying and incompetent. And we all have people in our life that we feel like are distractions or keeping us from getting what it is we want (perhaps sometimes it’s us), or where we feel like we’re supposed to be headed. I’m inclined to get really impatient with these people and events, I don’t love the tangents at times. A lot of times.

Finding Nemo, though, was this little reminder that some things are just a force of nature, and they’re going to go. And go, and go. Especially if you keep pushing. There’s an element of destiny to life. There’s also an element of “you’ve got to create it”, but often I think we discount the breaks and detours along the way that help us get to one of the milemarkers in life. And today’s reminder wasthat sometimes the detours and those “distractions” are not only part of the enjoyment of the journey (almost always after the fact), they also in some way help us get there, even when we can’t see it.

And a lot of times, I’m so fixated on getting there, and pushing hard to do it, I don’t.

No doubts, take Lasix only as prescribed by your doctor. Levitra is one of the best-known medications of all day. What is the most significant info you must study about levitra vs cialis? Most doctors say the effectiveness of Levitra is well documented. Absolutely, a sexual problem refers to a problem during any phase of the sexual response cycle that prevents the individual from experiencing satisfaction from the sexual life. Whilst sex is not vital for good soundness, it’s doubtless great for anyone. Why it happen? What kinds of professionals treat sexual diseases in men? A common class of antidepressants, which include Zoloft — can kill the mood in bedroom.

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I Finally Found Him…

Back to back blog posts one day after another? I’ve not done that in over a year.

But, this one was too good for me to pass up. And, not a “pat myself on the back type of good,”, but more like a “I can stop kicking myself in the face type of good.” Well, okay. Not really that either. But whatever.

A few weeks ago I wrote about a coat I was supposed to give away when I stumbled upon a car on fire (how, exactly, does one “stumble upon” a car on fire?). That story is here, and it’s about my complete failure to listen to the voice that said “give the guy your coat.”

So as I wrote that day, I haven’t worn it since and was determined to give it away. I’ve carried that coat in the truck of my car since March 4th. Practically driving around the streets of New Jersey Jake and Elwood Blues style with a huge megaphone shouting out for a guy that needs a large coat from Buckle (some of my friends are probably saying, please, the world needs less Buckle clothing to go around–keep your coat hidden away somewhere). Alas, nothing.

At one point, a friend of mine who I love, said “Raz, just keep your coat. I like that coat. Nobody needs your coat.” And, I thought, well if she would’ve said nobody WANTS your coat, now, then she might have a point. Still, I couldn’t shake it. Have. To. Give. It. Away.

Last night I’m walking in the City and I round a corner…and there he is! I knew the instant I saw him, standing on the corner with no warmth. Too bad I didn’t have the coat, I thought to myself, it was back in the car and I was late for dinner. So I kept walking.

Fifty steps later I spun around, ran to the garage and with the privilege of annoying some Central Parking attendants, grabbed the coat from the trunk, and brought it back to…Him.

I wasn’t going to blog about giving my coat away, this is a ridiculously trivial gift, and has more to do with me following the “voices in my head” (the one that said for me to give it away, not the one that screams at me to stop by Dunkin Donuts every two miles on Route 22). And, let’s remember, the only reason I have two blog entries about this is b/c I was selfish, hard of hearing, and logical in the first place.

So I was determined not to write about the follow up to this one. But…

When he put this coat on, his coat, and he wanted his picture taken, well, the smile on his face was worth a million bucks.

And all I had to do was pay a hundred bucks to see it.

No doubts, take Lasix only as prescribed by your physician. Levitra is one of the best-known medications of all season. What is the most significant information you must study about levitra vs cialis? Most doctors say the effectiveness of Levitra is well documented. Absolutely, a sexual problem refers to a problem during any phase of the sexual response cycle that prevents the individual from experiencing satisfaction from the sexual life. Whilst sex is not vital for good health, it’s doubtless significant for anyone. Why it happen? What kinds of professionals treat sexual diseases in men? A common class of antidepressants, which include Zoloft — can kill the mood in bedroom.

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Hotel California

Yesterday I was getting in my car after a workout in the gym and as I fired up the car, a song came on that brought back such a vivid set of memories from decades ago.

Growing up, even at the age of 9 or 10, I remember sitting in cars in our driveway. Just to pass the time. I’d daydream, pretend I was driving, and simply hang out. I love cars. And I love music. So when I could borrow the car keys and actually start the car and listen to music once in a while, now, that was the stuff. Until, one day, I started the car in the garage but failed to open the garage door (I was pretty young). That freaked my parents out a bit. But, I’m still here. Perhaps down a few brain cells.

Hotel California was the song I remember listening to at the age of 14, and I decided that was the first song I would listen to when I got my license and could go on that first solo drive. For years I looked forward to that moment, and when the day came, I grabbed my well used remixed tape with Hotel California and jumped into a 1979 Chevy Impala station wagon, my first car. It was a rust bucket, but it was mine (sort of). And it represented my ticket to freedom. And dreaming.

Many miles were covered cruising around Upper Arlington in that Chevy, and I write I can still hear that engine at idle which made a really distinct yet subtle and soft chugging noise at idle. Like a tired, but happy, horse. What made the drives fun were the dreams; I was 16, and had so much to look forward to, with aspirations of playing football (happened) at Ohio State (didn’t happen), of becoming a businessman (happened) and someday a famous one (didn’t happen–yet), and all sorts of related and unrelated thoughts of what my life could someday become.

Years later, I had another ’79 vehicle–but this one was the greatest car ever made in the world (well, perhaps second greatest to a ’91 560 SEL that I totaled in North Dakota which I still lament), a 1979 Mercedes Benz 300SD. It was my dads for years, but by the time I got it she was, well, a really tired, but also really happy, horse. Probably worth not more than the price of four tires–maybe eight–but I loved this car. This time I was a junior in College, and some parts of my life had come together better than I imagined, and others not quite yet. But I still remember the hope and excitement that I had for the future, and my dreams were….well, my dreams. Anything was possible. And some doors were shut, like my OSU football dream, but others were plenty open. Many hours were spent just driving around the countryside of Indiana, and I remember most the long drives where I’d open all all the windows and the sunroof with dusk setting while hurtling down a country highway in the middle of cornfields as dusk settles, the sweet smell of a summer evening. It was fun. Anything was possible.

Yesterday, when I jumped in, it brought back these memories and many more in what felt like a sudden flash. And then it brought me forward. To today. And life. Things I wish I could change. Things still left to do. Mistakes I made. Mistakes I don’t want to make. The life I live (for which I’m really thankful). And the life I wish I lived. Amazing experiences I’ve had. And amazing experiences to come.

Last night at dinner at 21 Club in NYC we were seated right down from what I’ll affectionately describe as “a really old dude.” And I could hear his laughter and saw a spark in his eyes, he was playful, charming, witty (yes, I did have some of my own conversations instead of eavesdropping on his, but was mesmerized by this guy, partly related to the thoughts going through my head from the song). And I kept thinking, all these old people are really just young people…trapped in old people bodies. With their own dreams, aspirations, and goals of greatness. With time ticking.

And it dawned on me, that even though I’m only 37, that’s exactly what I was feeling as well. I’m just at a different phase of it all, with some of my life irreversibly behind me and still some ahead.

No doubts, take Lasix only as prescribed by your doctor. Levitra is one of the best-known medications of all date. What is the most significant info you must study about levitra vs cialis? Most doctors say the effectiveness of Levitra is well documented. Absolutely, a sexual problem refers to a problem during any phase of the sexual response cycle that prevents the individual from experiencing satisfaction from the sexual life. Whilst sex is not vital for good health, it’s doubtless great for anyone. Why it happen? What kinds of professionals treat sexual diseases in men? A common class of antidepressants, which include Zoloft — can kill the mood in bedroom.

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Happy 6th Birthday Buddy

Third letter in the series. My first one is here, and the second one is here.

Dear Levi,

I’m flying home from Dallas the day before your birthday as I start this letter; I was born in Dallas, you know, and it’s a great state to claim as ones birth since I think Texans appreciate this more than any other State. I’m sure by now you’ve met quite a few peeps from all over the world up there, including those from Texas, and yes, kiddo, I know many Texans can be loud, boisterous, and overly proud of their heritage. But they’re also my people. So hang with them, you’ll find they have a lot of heart. But I bet in heaven, it’s probably hard for the Texans to continue to proclaim, “Everything is bigger and better in Texas.” That’d be awkward to be saying that, then turn around and see Jesus standing above you tapping his finger and clearing his throat.

It’s strongly familiar that I write to you as I’m flying and looking outside at 30,000 feet with cumulus clouds spanning miles in the foreground of a soothing blue sky. Some of my best memories growing up were of me and my dad flying around in a little private plane he had, and I adored going to the airstrip with him to wash it, watch him do some mechanical work, or to simply go for a ride on what felt like a magic carpet. With me, you’d have to settle for a commercial flight—I don’t think I’ll ever get my private pilot license at this point (though I started when I was 21 and had enough time and no money; now, the opposite is true). But you’d enjoy flying with me all the same, traipsing through the airport, seeing all the sights.  You’d probably even find going through security as an adventure.

This year, my friend, is the year you’d start playing football. And even though it’s just March, we’d be getting ready now. You’d be so little, engulfed in a dizzying array of pads, protective gear, and a helmet too big that it would be weeble wobbling all over your little head as your little legs churn as you run. We would spend more time getting the gear on and off you, than you would actually spend time playing in a game, but I’d love every minute. I’d have you out in the yard, doing little drills and making you sprint and tackle–as well show you how to catch a football, which despite the teasing you’d hear from my College football buddies, I became moderately good at doing. And I’d probably secretly be hoping that you would grow to be 1″ taller than me, a few 1/10th of a second faster in the 40 yard dash, with a few lbs more muscle mass than I was in high school so you could really compete in the big leagues, at least some strong D1 stuff.

Instead, today, I am listening to Nicki Minaj sing “Moment for Life” which somehow is adding to my sadness, whilst sitting here just hoping you were with me–under any circumstance. And even if you couldn’t play football, we would do other things that you and I would be good at doing. Like making fun of the other kids playing football. 🙂 Sorry, that was wrong, but that thought did enter my mind for a second. No, instead, we’d do the stuff you could do, and we’d find your gift and pursue it wildly. Like we’re trying to do with Zoe; she’s super talented at all things, but she just wants to cook and create stuff. And while I want her to be disciplined, I care more that she finds and develops her gift so the challenge is to try to do both without stifling her. So we cook a lot. 🙂 And Royce has so many gifts, but even the stuff that she’s only “okay” at she is ferociously determined. I’m sure there are a few things that I’d push you to develop if you had the talent, certainly football being one of them. But I’d also dig whatever your natural gifts were–even if it were limited to Croquet and Knitting, though those activities aren’t the best for a hyper-type-A personality. I’d adjust.

I feel better just writing your birthday letter today; yet I’ve also let you down. I know you know, but your book isn’t done. No excuses my friend; it’s been a wild year, but I am still plugging away. Stay patient with me, and I’m sorry I’ve missed my committed date of having it complete—and I won’t promise another date until I know I can honor it. But I’ll keep working on it.

Normally I give you a bit of a family update; this year, it’s a bit too complicated for me to write, and I’m sure you know enough. We’re all good, though it has been far from an easy year.  RoZo and Mom say more than hello. And I know it’s hard for all of them not to be able to see you on this day. Mom thinks about you ALL of the time. 🙂 This afternoon we spent some time in honor of you at the house. RoZo wanted to go and get helium balloons and tie cupcakes to them and send them off to you in heaven. And while a part of me thought this is a charming and magical idea, the pragmatic side of me is contemplating the potential consequences of a cupcake hurtling down towards earth at 50mph. We went with emotion rather than logic today, and off went the cupcake with six balloons. You can guess who picked out the football balloon. RoZo selected the rest. The kids want to send stuff to you so badly, and see you even if just for a minute.

I really miss you. A lot. Perhaps it looks like I’ve gotten on with my life and often forgotten much about you. But it’s not true. My heart aches for you. And I wish you were here, with me, right now. You’d think I were a cool dad, at least for now, finding me entertaining, funny, strong, confident, and dependable. You would look at me and proclaim things like “You’re the best dad in the world!” But as time would go on, and as years pass, you would see me for who I really am. A mix of some good attributes, but plenty of broken ones as well. But for now, I’d be quite perfect in your innocent eyes. Which would be very cool.

Today, I wish I could see those little blue eyes and what I know would be a mischievous smile with lots of cackling and laughter throughout the day–merciless teasing of your big sisters, who are pretty good at dishing it out as well. Little dude, I miss you more than you know. And this very day, my only prayer would be that JC takes you on his knee and somehow reads this letter to you.

There are probably too many snapshots of my life that I’d like you not to see, but today I wish you could see me and my eyes as I wrote this birthday letter to you. Then, with just one look, you’d know just how much I love and miss you.

Happy Birthday, buddy.

No doubts, take Lasix only as prescribed by your doc. Levitra is one of the best-known medications of all when. What is the most significant information you must study about levitra vs cialis? Most doctors say the effectiveness of Levitra is well documented. Absolutely, a sexual problem refers to a problem during any phase of the sexual response cycle that prevents the individual from experiencing satisfaction from the sexual life. Whilst sex is not vital for good health, it’s doubtless great for anyone. Why it happen? What kinds of professionals treat sexual diseases in men? A common class of antidepressants, which include Zoloft — can kill the mood in bedroom.

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Car On Fire…

Literally.

We’re driving back from the NYC area to Western Jersey on Saturday late afternoon, just me and, then my RoZo sitting in the back. We’re jamming to some Rihanna, they’re telling endless stories, the sun is out…and we’re wearing shades, we’ve got a full tank of gas and a half a pack of cigarettes.

(okay, those last three are lines from the Blues Brothers)

Up on the right about a quarter of a mile ahead I see a car in flames, and the kids start screaming in the back. Anyways, since this isn’t the point of the story, I’ll speed this part up. Car on fire. Family of four were already out, the mom was convulsing in tears (I wanted to give her a hug, but didn’t). The Dad, a gentle giant who spoke broken english sprinkled w/ Spanish words looked in shock. Car appeared like it was about to explode. Moved them a few hundred yards away. Called 911. Everyone shows up. End of story.

But, as I was leaving, I looked over at the dad, he was shivering in the cold and had this tiny thin little blanket draped over his shoulders. It wasn’t bitter out, but there was a bite. And it was as if a voice said to me…

“Give him your coat.”

To which I replied “Woooooahhhhh! I just bought this coat. Like six weeks ago. And I only have two coats here in NJ, the other stuff is in storage. And it was expensive. I did my thing, this is ridiculous.”

So I walked around the car a few more times, realized the authorities were going to take care of him. Got in the car. Knew I was supposed to give him my jacket. Almost got out to give it to him.

Put the car in drive. Then park. Rethought it again. Back in drive, thinking this is absurd that I don’t need to give a guy my coat that I just bought, who I stopped to help (amongst many many people who just kept driving by). I did my deed, I thought. I did what really mattered.

As I drove off, I kept thinking “I should’ve given him my coat.”

And, nearly one week later, after having thought about this all week, I realize I didn’t do my deed at all. I was supposed to give him the coat off my back. Instead, I was selfish, hard of hearing, and logical.

When I should have been abundant, intuitive, and irrational.

No doubts, take Lasix only as prescribed by your doctor. Levitra is one of the best-known medications of all day. What is the most significant info you must study about levitra vs cialis? Most doctors say the effectiveness of Levitra is well documented. Absolutely, a sexual problem refers to a problem during any phase of the sexual response cycle that prevents the individual from experiencing satisfaction from the sexual life. Whilst sex is not vital for good health, it’s doubtless important for anyone. Why it happen? What kinds of professionals treat sexual diseases in men? A common class of antidepressants, which include Zoloft — can kill the mood in bedroom.

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A Raz Family Update


So it’s a long ways coming, but anyways here’s our update. It’ll be a quick entry, one because at the end of the day nobody really cares THAT much to know the minutiae about our move, but I still have people who text or email and say “dude, where did you go?”

Where we went: New Jersey. Neeeewwww Jeaaarrssaaaaayyy!

Side note: my daughter, Zoe, recently said to me very sincerely “Dad, now that we’ve been here a little while shouldn’t we start talking like them? Like, shouldn’t I start saying “yooooous” instead of “you”? Ummm, no Zoe. Absolutely not. Please don’t even let those thoughts creep into your head.

So on June 1st I started as CEO of DealOn Media, a VC-backed start-up company that is in the Group Buying space (competitors that you might have heard of include GroupOn and Living Social). Here’s eight months of summary at what we did at DealOn: bootstrapped, built great technology, secured some big partners, didn’t close a few big partners we should have, made some brilliant decisions, made some lousy decisions, built a great team of incredibly-talented-and-highly-committed people (this was really the key success factor), tested and trialed to figure stuff out, figured more stuff out, got some momentum, and along we went until we unexpectedly and very rapidly found ourselves in a position where we started to get approached by a lot of buyers.

And, last week it was announced that we were acquired by ReachLocal. I never expected that we would get acquired within eight months, but we did more things right than not, we got a few breaks, we built and accomplished some pretty cool stuff, and we landed with a very successful publicly held Company that’s full of exceptional talent, passion, and commitment. Things I dig. So my Board and DealOn investors are (very) happy, I’m quite certain all of my employees are happy, and I think the buyers are happy…so, therefore, I’m pretty happy. While it wasn’t all fun and games (though we did have some fun, too), this has been one of the most stretching and adventurous business experiences of my life.

Here are a few links to the announcement:

http://www.screenwerk.com/2011/02/15/reachlocal-buys-dealon/

http://www.clickz.com/clickz/news/2026544/reachlocal-buys-dealon-plans-deals-exchange

http://www.socaltech.com/reachlocal_s_zorik_gordon_on_daily_deals/s-0033998.html

So, I left Olympia the end of May, and Erica and the kiddo’s came out in August. We’re at a temp location in Western NJ, and while we miss the West Coast immensely there are quite a few nice things about being on the East Coast–including being much closer to three of my sisters, Erica’s dad, and a MUCH shorter flight to see my parents (at one point on the West Coast we’d gone years since seeing them, and now we see them every few months).

There are things that I really love about being out here (like, that I’m able to write this from a coffeeshop in Manhattan and adore the energy in this town; I literally think my biochemistry changes when I drive through the tunnel to get into Gotham).

And there are things that I don’t love about being out here (like, working out at the gym w/ the natives in New Jersey. It’s not normal, and it’s an experience I hope you can bypass).

But, all in all, it’s part of the adventure we’ve been on and I’m grateful for every minute. Hour. Day. Okay, at least every week. 🙂  Seriously, I’m very grateful. And I’ve met some incredible people out here who have changed my life in so many ways.

Erica continues to homeschool, in an environment that isn’t that homeschool friendly or resource laden (“okay, now, which cult did you guys say you belong to again?” I promise, peeps, it’s not that weird; but it was way easier in the NW/Olympia where SO MANY people homeschooled); Royce is booting away the soccer ball in between reading books (I LOVE that she wanted her 9th birthday party to be a “bookstore birthday party” where they all got together at Clinton Bookstore to read and share stories out of books. Go Royce Go!). And, Zoe, ahhhh little Zoe. She’s more creative than ever, has turned into an aggressive little basketball player, and completely adores cooking (often but not always with me, and she’s an avid Food Network viewer). Ahhhhh, I miss our Oly kitchen! She could watch cooking shows for hours on end. It’s pretty darned cute, and I think it might be her gift.

Longer than I expected (it always is), the Raz Family update. The adventure continues…

No doubts, take Lasix only as prescribed by your physician. Levitra is one of the best-known medications of all time. What is the most significant info you must study about levitra vs cialis? Most doctors say the effectiveness of Levitra is well documented. Absolutely, a sexual problem refers to a problem during any phase of the sexual response cycle that prevents the individual from experiencing satisfaction from the sexual life. Whilst sex is not vital for good heartiness, it’s doubtless important for anyone. Why it happen? What kinds of professionals treat sexual diseases in men? A common class of antidepressants, which include Zoloft — can kill the mood in bedroom.

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Apple Store = Happy

Time for a quick post (written on Friday; uploaded on Sunday), it’s been forever since I’ve blogged.

This week’s a “vacation” (in quotes b/c it never seems to work out that way) week, and while I’m spending a lot of time in the Apple store to get some stuff serviced, I don’t mind. I love it here. And, judging by the perpetual crowd whether morning or night–or maybe just the market cap–a seemingly unlimited supply of people love it here as well.

Here’s why I love Apple, and here are a few reasons why I think they’ve done so well:

To begin, product innovation; these guys are tireless with their ability to see the future (okay, so Jobs is the ringleader on this one but there remain many internal beacons as well) and they have a team that can execute on it.

Which leads to, fantastic execution; most companies are lousy at execution. You can have great ideas, but with crappy execution it’s all irrelevant. These guys have the normal challenges I’m sure, but the stuff gets done. Testament to Jobs and the management there.

And this relates to, passionate people. The people that buy Apple are generally passionate (the only people that I know who don’t really like or respect Apple are Corporate IT guys who got shoved into lockers in high school, thus are still a little bit mad at life; I’m cool with the absence of love, except when these same guys keep me from using Apple products in a corporate environment 🙂 ). But this passion from consumers didn’t start with consumers. It started with passionate people inside. And they did the things they did, that got them what they got. Go into an Apple store. These guys love working there. Compare to other stores that sell competitive non-Apple products. Huge difference. And it’s not just good for the business environment, it’s good for culture.

So there it is, some of my quick observations that relate to business in general; of course there’s more, I’m not even suggesting these are the “big three” (though they very well could be), this just really struck me while sitting here and it prompted a relatively quick post from a very happy Raz at a very cool Apple store in Bonita Springs.

Adios, off to the beach…and some work emails. 🙂

No doubts, take Lasix only as prescribed by your physician. Levitra is one of the best-known medications of all period. What is the most significant information you must study about levitra vs cialis? Most doctors say the effectiveness of Levitra is well documented. Absolutely, a sexual problem refers to a problem during any phase of the sexual response cycle that prevents the individual from experiencing satisfaction from the sexual life. Whilst sex is not vital for good health, it’s doubtless great for anyone. Why it happen? What kinds of professionals treat sexual diseases in men? A common class of antidepressants, which include Zoloft — can kill the mood in bedroom.

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Happy Thanksgiving 2010

Okay, here it is…a stroke before midnight, the annual RazFamily Thanksgiving video.

This one is a bit more…casual, and slap-dash, but we’re going to let it go anyways. It really is purely an outtakes version, was hoping for something a bit more sincere and thoughtful but it just didn’t happen that way. And I didn’t get the participation of Erica or Royce/Zoe, but we had so many people at the house it was a bit chaotic and not optimal studio environment. 🙂 So, again, this is outtakes people. Outtakes. Not me in everyday every moment life.

Anyways, Happy Thanksgiving to everybody. And, by the way, when you get a heritage/free range Turkey (like we did) it is a BIT easier to understand how I did what I did, which you’ll see at the end of the video. Too much explaining will ruin the silly surprise.

So there it is, from the RazFam to yours–best to each of you!

-Raz, Erica, Royce, and Zoe

No doubts, take Lasix only as prescribed by your doctor. Levitra is one of the best-known medications of all when. What is the most significant information you must study about levitra vs cialis? Most doctors say the effectiveness of Levitra is well documented. Absolutely, a sexual problem refers to a problem during any phase of the sexual response cycle that prevents the individual from experiencing satisfaction from the sexual life. Whilst sex is not vital for good soundness, it’s doubtless important for anyone. Why it happen? What kinds of professionals treat sexual diseases in men? A common class of antidepressants, which include Zoloft — can kill the mood in bedroom.

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My Trash, My Selfishness

I hate germs.

And I can’t stand touching the door handle on the way into a public bathroom, but particularly so on the way out. So like some, I use the paper towel to open up the door handle on my way out. Sometimes–usually–there’s a trash can near the door on the way out. At my office there isn’t one.

And I’d move the trash can from where it was, to a location by the door. Which was just as convenient for those who didn’t use my method, and it would offer a receptacle for those who use the “towel on door” methodology.

But it kept moving back to its old location. Frustrated, I finally would just throw my paper towel down by the door once I opened it up and headed back to my office. Someone else would clean it up at the end of the day, I figured. I didn’t really think it through that blatantly, I just didn’t want to get germinated, and I couldn’t keep moving the trash bin. So I did this “right by the door paper towel toss on the floor” for 2-3 days.

Then one night I was leaving the office around 10pm. I was tired. Frustrated. Annoyed. Work, which overall goes really well and I genuinely am passionate about, had been particularly difficult that day. And I was sluffing out the door muttering to myself something about how hard my job was, the challenges of life in a raw start-up company, how difficult it is to be a CEO, and blah blah blah.

Translation: I was whining to myself.

Which I don’t think I do very often, but it had captured me as I was locking up the door.

And as I’m turning around I hear a little girls voice. I thought I was mistaken, it was after 10pm on a weeknight. But, sure enough, I saw a little girl–maybe 6 or 7 years old–running after her dad down the hallway. Her dad, as it turned out, was the janitor for the building–a hardworking immigrant, always cheerful and exceptionally fastidious. It was obvious as he was just finished cleaning the men’s room. The same one where I’d been casually throwing my door-opening-paper-towel-pieces by the door for a few days.

Suddenly a wave of my absurdity was cast over me. Not just for the extra trash I was leaving for this guy, but for how I was feeling about myself as I leaving the office. Here I was, fortunate in 500 different ways. Whilst making his job more difficult through my selfish little trash deposits. And here he was, I’m sure also in some ways very fortunate, but also going through the challenges of life cleaning buildings on the second shift. With his young daughter in tow.

I then realized, my job is easy. And isn’t particularly admirable.

His job, however. Now, that’s admirable.

I’ll forever remember it.

And I’ll never, again, throw a piece of paper towel by the door.

No doubts, take Lasix only as prescribed by your doc. Levitra is one of the best-known medications of all when. What is the most significant info you must study about levitra vs cialis? Most doctors say the effectiveness of Levitra is well documented. Absolutely, a sexual problem refers to a problem during any phase of the sexual response cycle that prevents the individual from experiencing satisfaction from the sexual life. Whilst sex is not vital for good health, it’s doubtless important for anyone. Why it happen? What kinds of professionals treat sexual diseases in men? A common class of antidepressants, which include Zoloft — can kill the mood in bedroom.