This weekend I started the trip west, from Naples Florida. I’m driving. I flew to Florida, expecting to buy a ticket back to California at some point in January, but because I have a bad habit, I mean affliction, strong enthusiasm for cars and road trips, I am driving home. Tonight I made it into Tucson and am staying at the Tanque Verde Ranch for a few nights until I head to Phoenix this weekend for the Rock ‘n Roll marathon this Sunday.
Before leaving for my road trip back West, RoZo got their ears pierced. They were pretty excited as you can tell. Me? Ahhhhhh, well…I warmed up to the idea, eventually.
Two weeks ago I had an aggressive time goal for the Phoenix marathon, but the stomach flu accompanied by a nasty cold for the last week has kept me from running for over a week. Based on how I feel tonight, I’m not even sure yet if I’ll make it to the starting line, let alone the finish line. Regardless, I’ve enjoyed my trip. And there are few things that I love more than traveling across the United States. It’s not just the road trip that I enjoy, but it’s the people you meet along the way.
Here’s a pictorial of my trip and a few highlights from the past few days.
First, let’s cover Florida. If you’ve heard people talk about a harrowing life experience or ever had one yourself, like an imminent traffic accident, you will often hear that they talk about how time slows down. Well, it’s actually true in a way. The human eye and mind can process about 20 frames per second. However, under duress in acute situations we can actually boost output to about 60 frames per second–so it feels like time slows down, but you’re just able to process faster than normal for short periods of time.
Basically, this is what I feel like when I enter the gulf coast of Florida. Like I am able to operate at 60 frames a second, but ongoing. It is more likely, however, that I am simply operating at a very normal 20 frames per second and the state is operating at 10. π
I like the pace here, it’s relaxing. And there are some amazing people, too. Plus, the billboards are hysterical. This is the state of funny (and abundant) billboards. I could do a whole blog series on the billboards with various witty captions. I also learned North Florida is a hidden gem, I like it because it feels like the real south to me–the foliage is gorgeous, a bit more temperate, easy to find boiled peanuts, and the people are very real and authentic. It needs a rebranding though, like let’s give it the panache it deserves. Maybe take a page out of the playbook of SF and NYC, you know Soma, NoHo, SoHo, TriBeca, Nolita.
So here it is: NorFlor. Give it a whirl, Governor Scott. No attribution needed. Rebrand. Watch the revenues rain. Thank me later.
Following a few of my pictorial highlights from my trip so far, the Long Road Home.
With as many billboards as this guy has in Florida, you’d think the whole state were infertile at this point. I love his hair. Therefore, I love his billboards. Pretty much how I roll.
Basically the Apple Maps directions go down like this: “Hang a left here, go about 2,500 miles, hang a right onto I-5 for 500 more miles. You should see your house on the left. Or is that a cliff? Good luck, let us know if you make it!”
Even my watch is nagging me along the way, knowing I haven’t run in a week. If you are a runner, you should seriously take a look at this Nike watch w/ the TomTom built in. It’s fantastic. My Amazon affiliate link is here: (kidding, obviously). It’s a great watch.
In Alabama, not only are dogs allowed to drive, but they can also order and pick up at the drive through. This guy needs a haircut, though. I am worried about his forward visibility. Opposable thumbs. I’m also worried that he lacks opposable thumbs, too. However, I saw him using Google Maps. So he’s probably in better shape than me.
New Orleans. The city where nobody understand the term “protein style.” And nobody seemed to appreciate all my menu substitutions. There are two Paleo-friendly things to consume in New Orleans. 1. Oysters. 2. Water. That’s it. Everything else is fried. These are Beignet’s from Cafe Dumonde. Ironically enough–and this is true–the morning AFTER I ate these was the first day in my LIFE that I started to see definition in my abdominal muscles. But they went away by the time I made it to Stubb’s BBQ in Austin…Sigh.
On the way out of New Orleans I went to Mother’s, one of my fave restaurants in the U.S. This is where normal, real, down to earth people eat. Yes, on occasion I like fancy restaurants. But nine out of ten times give me a place like Mother’s–real food and real people–and I’m thrilled.
This is the greatest BBQ that I have never eaten in my life. I love this little place, and someday I will come back–because Coopers doesn’t serve at 7am (when I stumbled into it). But check it out, how could you NOT stop here? This place would turn even the most devout vegan, even if just for one meal. I love kitschy ambiance, these guys were intentional about what they built here. It’s adorable. That’s what “feel” does. I love the food, and haven’t even tasted it yet.
Driving through New Mexico I saw this cool vintage Jaguar XKE with the sunset bouncing off of it as she was hustling down the highway. Looked like they were having a great time. I love cars. Especially those with classic design, the XKE is one sexy automobile.
Have you ever driven through West Texas? Nobody is there. Except State Troopers. This guy welcomed me into the second half of Texas. I had no good excuse for speeding, so instead I tried logic. Basically, the conversation went down like this: “Officer, let’s just ignore how bad the real numbers look for a second and examine this situation using percentages, okay? If I were doing 46.5 in a 40, would you give me a ticket? Of course not, that would be silly. Therefore, wouldn’t you also agree, Officer, that it would be equally silly to give me a ticket for going 93 in an 80?” He didn’t appear amused. However, I don’t think he was really grasping the concept…That’s the problem when you don’t apply ratios to your life, your mind gets disjointed and you make emotional–rather than logical–decisions. π
Finally, made it to Tanque Verde Ranch in Tucson, Arizona where I’m camping for two nights and then to Phoenix where I hope I’ll be able to give the marathon a shot this weekend depending on how I feel. Tonight, I’ve caught up on some writing, did this blog entry whilst listening to country music, and thought about another screenplay that I’ll probably never write. But someday if I had a writing getaway, perhaps…
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2 Replies to “The Long Road Home”
Enjoyed reading your post- however I do have one question: When you referred to “this guy needs a haircut” were you referring to the dog driving the car or the skinny guy next to your beautiful daughters in the top pic? “old Raz, new Raz . . . whatcha gonna do?” π
May!!! I can’t believe you read a blog entry, I’m honored. Consciously, I was referring to the dog. However, I am overdue for a haircut too…Great to hear from you bud, the reality is that you could probably still beat me in the 40, but I’m close to giving you a run for your money. Can’t believe how old your kids are getting–and Audrey is DRIVING? Insane…You look well, thanks for the comment. Fun to hear from you, as always.
Enjoyed reading your post- however I do have one question: When you referred to “this guy needs a haircut” were you referring to the dog driving the car or the skinny guy next to your beautiful daughters in the top pic? “old Raz, new Raz . . . whatcha gonna do?” π
May!!! I can’t believe you read a blog entry, I’m honored. Consciously, I was referring to the dog. However, I am overdue for a haircut too…Great to hear from you bud, the reality is that you could probably still beat me in the 40, but I’m close to giving you a run for your money. Can’t believe how old your kids are getting–and Audrey is DRIVING? Insane…You look well, thanks for the comment. Fun to hear from you, as always.